Funny and Hilarious Poems

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST POETRY COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was on the piss.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.



6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Love hilarious poems and quotes? Check my previous post about Funny and Inspiring Quotes. Don't forget to check another funny and ridiculous jokes and humors on this blog.

Who Will You Choose?

Let's Have Another Brain Test.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 2000 applicants) had no trouble coming up with an answer.


Old Friend, Your Dream Girl, or Sick Old Lady

What Did He Say?

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,and let him take the lady to the hospital. And I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

How to Get Inside Her?

This is actually a very good advertising. Funny, hilarious, and attractive in one package. Although this kind of ads is very unusual to be used in health or medical department, but this can make people at least look at the picture.


Where it came from?

This ads is used to promoted organ donor. This published by organization called Re-Born to be Alive, an organ donor foundation. Visit their website if you interested.

Celebrities Worst Moment: Wardrobe Malfunction

Wardrobe malfunction is the worst moment for every celebrity, especially when it happens in front of the audiences or in the stage. Let's check some of the weirdest moment that these celebs won't forget for their entire lifes. Note that we trying to look at the funny side of these moments, because all of these celebs never really have an objection of the exposure. And it only happens in show or gala, so you won't see anything like Britney Spears drunk and flash panties in here.

1. Jennifer Hawkins




The Miss Universe 2004 Jennifer Hawkins also suffered ‘wardrobe malfunction’ when the heavy skirt of her Bora dress came off and slipped to the floor while she was walking the ramp at a Sydney Fashion Show in September 2004, revealing a surprisingly un-sexy thong and ass. She doesn't look so embarrassed at that moment and still managed to laugh. Watch the video too...

Exposure Rating: 10/10 (well, her butt is ugly, but she was the most beautiful woman in the world that year....)


2. Toni Braxton



On June 8, 2006, Toni Braxton performed with the group II Divo at the official opening of Adidas World of Football where she made the soccer more interesting. She flashed all her panties to the entire audience.

Exposure Rating: 8/10 (Tony Braxton never get's old, but we need to see more than just a panties though....)


3. Sophie Marceau



Sophie Marceau is a beautiful and classy women but she also had a wardrobe malfunction moment at the premiere of Where the Truth Lies at the 2005 Cannes Film Festival in France. She ran into problem when her green and black dress fell off to reveal her entire left breast. However, she was quick in catching it, but still photographers managed to snap pictures!

Exposure Rating: 10/10 (Perfect view at her beautiful left breast and in red carpet, couldn't have been better!)


4. Janet Jackson



Janet Jacksons outfit came undone during the half time performance with Justin Timberlake at Super Bowl, Feb. 1, 2004. Timberlake ripped off one of her chest plates revealing a silver tassle covering her nipple (which made me didn't really need to censored these pics :p). They both were performing a duet of their songs Rhythm Nation/Rock Your Body, and when the song reached the final line, "I’m gonna have you naked by the end of this song", Timberlake pulled off a part of Jackson’s costume, revealing her right breast.

Exposure Rating: 7/10 (The moment was so fit to the song, but the silver tassle was really ruin the view)


5. Naomi Campbell



Supermodel Naomi Campbell left Brazilian fashion fans in Rio, 2005, breathless when her sleeveless deep V-neck dress ended up showing off her right nip. Campbell was in Brazil doing a fashion show at Fashion Rio for the TNG label. After the show, Naomi gave no statement regarding the slip and started beating up her maid.

Exposure Rating: 6/10 (Bah, it doesn't really need a lot of efforts to see Naomi Campbell naked!)


6. Katrina Campis



Katrina Campis, the former ‘Apprentice’ contestant suffered a wardrobe malfunction during the runway show for Tommy Hilfiger’s Resort line at Fashion Week Miami, in 2005. Katrina flashed her enhanced assets to the crowd as they popped out of a striped white and black jacket. Katrina walked the entire runway unaware that her breasts were exposed.

Exposure Rating: 6/10 (She's not really a celebrity, and those breast obviously fake)


7. Beyonce Knowless



The 1st picture was taken from 2009 Academy Awards Show, where she dance with the host Hugh Jackman. She might have to much enthusiasm, not realized that her nipple pop out from her dress. Don't know where or when from the 2nd pic, but she definetly showed her black thong in front of the crowd!

Exposure Rating: 9/10 (More than a half world watched the Oscar show, what a great moment to did a wardrobe malfunction by one of the sexiest female alive!)


8. Yumiko Cheng Hei-Yi



Yumiko Cheng, a popular Hong Kong singer and actress accidentally lost her pants during an acrobatics on Saturday nights Tung Wah Charity Show in 2005. Right after the wardrobe malfunction, Yumiko hurried to the backstage, where she burst into tears. Poor girl!

Exposure Rating: 6/10 (Unique moment, great audiences, but not a well known actress)


9. Mariah Carey



Pop beauty Mariah Carey gave her fans more than they were expecting when her dress fell apart during a concert in Germany, 2005 revealing her breasts to the audience. Unfortunately, fans only managed a quick glimpse before the organizers cut the lights - plunging the stage into darkness.

Exposure Rating: 6/10 (not really can see anything from this moment)


10. Jessica Alba



Gorgeous Jessica Alba also got betrayed by her clothing stuff at Us Mag’s Hot Hollywood party in 2006 where her dress strap fell down while posing for the photographers.

Exposure Rating: 6/10 (well, we only saw a little of her bra)

Garfield Wisdom Words

Everybody know Garfield. This lazy fat cat is famous for his wisdom words about food, laziness and love for his best friend, Oddie the dog. Check Garfield wallpaper content that full with his words of wisdom. Also check Garfield comics too!

Dictionaries for Couples

Men vs Women Jokes always interesting to listen, and it's always funny. You can check my post about Computer Gender for an example. Now, let's learn some simple english for understand better about what a man and woman thinking when they're telling you something.

The Man's Guide to Female English...

We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
You’re...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight! = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper ...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re not going to like



I’ll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
I’m not yelling! = Yes I’m yelling because I think it’s important
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?


The Woman's Guide to Male English...

I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Do you want to go to a movie = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of this
What’s wrong? = what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we’d better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any frigging dress and let’s get out of here.